Being friendly is literally part of their job description. And then you never, ever speak of it again. That's just basic humanity. What I say may sound weird to some, but you can actually be cool and nice to women without any second thoughts. In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. The problem? One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. has the world just gotten that much more creepy? OMG yes. OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? Unless hes specifically told you about these things, you dont know whats going on in the background for him, and what it might raise. Ok so i met this girl online. Video games. You don't want to be banned for harassing employees who didn't want to date you. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. I worked retail throughout high school and college. How To Get The Man Catcher In Castle Crashers? People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 20 years or so. We made plans to go to a local haunted house together in a couple of weeks, but a conversation in the meantime put the brakes on that. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. Hi. How To Read Offense In Madden 21? Its a social conditioning thing. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. But the guys who were polite and made a no pressure suggestion to grab coffee or see a movie sometime or whatever, were not doing anything wrong. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. She said shes there to work, not to get hit on or asked out. While I've known this girl she has blocked or otherwise shut out countless guys trying the same thing and that could easily have been me as well. You could do it this way; One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier . The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. I got the message. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. # Community Guidelines Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. (Explaining this because some people look at me funny when I talk about going to the drive-thru). He told me that he had a girlfriend but they were on the rocks currently. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. ask her out. A: Be direct and sincere when asking the cashier out. Ive seen a lot of this sentiment in this thread (Im biased; Im female) and I just want to say: A lot of women dont find being hit on or asked out by a strange man flattering, especially if the most conversation theyve had with them is either mundane chitchat or about the customers order/purchase. How do you tell an answerer that you think their answer needs work? They do it every Tuesday and Thursday at 7pm - the admission fee is 5 Euro. This is bad enough in public, but its a bit worse if youre being put in that situation at work. Also OP, I wonder if you have looked for him on online dating sites? Imagine if they asked you out. Studies show that men are not actually able, on average, to pick up on disinterest, if theyre interested in the person. Hes at work. Ok but how do I do this without coming off as a creeper? But we're still not clear of the problem of putting her on the spot. So the power dynamic is not so different. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. And I have a boyfriend doesnt even slow down most of these guys. My rule is simple. This is not okay and very creepy. Start off with a simple conversation, like asking how their day is going or making a comment on their work. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. Each party is still evaluating the other.). This is not a hook up sub Ok but, not so single you out Mia, but how is turning someone down politely not being nice to the customer? I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). I avoided the drive thru for a few months after that but when I went back we both just acted like nothing had happened. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] Boy do I have horror stories. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board? I just want to do my job and part of that job is being nice to people and making sure they are enjoying our services. He also said if that he would be interested in going out with me if they actually broke up. I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. Id also like to point out that for all of your talk about women having agency and being liberated, that youre not actually listening to all of the women who have posted here saying that they do not enjoy being hit on/creeped on/asked out by customers at their place of work and that they just want to do their job without feeling like a Playboy bunny. The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. I dont think its fair to ask people to voluntarily take on that risk at work when theres another approach that will neatly avoid that issue. When she did, the man then ran behind her and hit her in the back of the head with a closed fist, seriously injuring her. Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! To help you build up the courage to take the plunge, it is important to focus on feeling more confident. concert). Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! Finally, she asked him out. I put the money in her hand, and then she gave change back. I do not understand why being asked on a date (or simply learning that someone is attracted to you) is apparently now widely considered a traumatizing experience to be protected against at all times. Not eHarmony, they discriminate against gays and lesbians. Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. If he calls, you know what to do. Too much overthinking going on here. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. I (female, red-haired) worked in video game retail for a while. Its not flattering, it makes me cringe. But I didnt love YOU. However, there was one guy that asked me out that I totally would have gone out with, if I hadnt already been dating my now-husband. I agree that asking someone out can be different than hitting on someone, but for me as a woman in a publicly funded service role (library type work) Im pretty sick of being seen as on display and treated as a piece of meat at a buffet that people can ponder, look at, ask questions too, and ask out. And it was always a minefield to navigate. First, make sure that you are respectful and courteous when asking for Its normal. 3. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. Thanks, this was something that Id been considering too! Honestly, I think you get lucky or you dont on meeting people. How do I casually ask her out for a drink or something without putting everything on the spot? Short story about swapping bodies as a job; the person who hires the main character misuses his body. Is there a generic term for these trajectories? Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. One great relationship made it all worth it! young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me . I have a boyfriend. I'd advise against going straight to her with your phone number on a piece of paper without having some small talk before. But STILL. After about 2 I think they key with both couples is that there were adults and past the minimum wage jobs. Yes, this. Make sure you aren't unconsciously seeking self-validation of some kind. No I haven't idk if I want her getting wind of my intentions instead of it seeming spontaneous. Poor, oblivious Husband. Meet a friendly stranger in a very public, preferably bright lit space and, preferably surrounded by old friends and family. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It would be ok if you ran into an employee somewhere else organically. Youre missing the point. Its awkward. I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. Im going to have to think about this one. If I were single and shopping and met an individual Id like to ask out I would have. Until you have a stronger feeling. Im in the minority too. Thanks for another positive story!! For example: "I like to grab lunch here before going to [Public Event You Enjoy]". The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. Note I had never been to that shop before. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. If youre friendly and encouraging about it, welcoming, then his response will tell you. Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?). A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! And if she doesn't come, well, you were planning to go there anyways so it's not a real loss on your part - you just spent an afternoon/evening doing something you already enjoy. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. The OP posts an innocuous I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think youre cute but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. Would it really be flattering if you got asked out at work? Any approach must provide an easy exit for her so there'll be no uncomfortable conversations next time. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) If only 1% of the population are creeps and you have 200 people come into your store each day, that means that you need to deal with 2 creeps every single day. I got asked out by a male repeat customer around my age who had always been polite, nonthreatening, was quite nice-looking, and very interesting to talk to. Another option you may consider is going through her manager. Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. Love the cheese fries line. Anyway, Ive taken to wearing a gold band on my ring finger to discourage that behavior, but men dont seem to notice. Manage Settings And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. I mean there are always like 5 people before and after me, and I think it would be awkward if we are changing numbers while customers are waiting behind us. Should I leave a note in case it's busy at her line? OP here, thank you, and yes Im definitely not interested in objectifying this person or treating him like a piece of meat :). Maybe we could get cheese fries on another day, then you know. There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. I guess Im just a bit pessimistic in that it rarely happens that way. An employee could reasonably feel just as trapped into responding favorably to the polite request for a coffee date as a skeezy come on. And the never mentioning it again is mandatory. At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. Move on quickly and dont take it personally. There there from Radiohead rings a bell. And there was no pressing and he never followed up when I didnt call. Asking her out directly seems like a bad idea. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. During yo She might followup with other questions like "what time?" I have no idea if men in customer service experience this as well, but I know the men that I worked with almost never dealt with unwanted sexual attention from customers. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. bulding up your anxiety is all.. .. have you asked anyone there casually where that one girl is, and what's her name?? What differentiates living as mere roommates from living in a marriage-like relationship? A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. I ran into him one time outside of work and he talked to me most of the night while his girlfriend sat in the corner and pouted. I had to go back to the store later that week to pick something up. I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". No luck again today =( maybe its because I'm actually looking for her as opposed to noticing her when she around.if that makes sense. That was hilarious. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Some were way too persistent. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. and some comments like have you ever tried the _____? Most importantly, if you see that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation with you, do not insist. Not most. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. then nope. It puts me in an awkward position, and moreover, I dont want to feel sexualized at work. Do not do this in a situation where someone cant leave or cant answer 100% honestly (positive or megative). Do it OP. Hello, OP here. A female cashier was unable to provide the return, though. Thank you for the follow-up. We looked into each others' eyes for about two weeks. It would probably be best to not think about it any longer. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. Instead of just insisting youre a dude and this is how YOU think, maybe try putting yourself in other peoples shoes? It puts the ball in her court, but at the same time provides some asynchronous communication so that she doesn't have to react if she doesn't want to (which is why I said 'don't ask'). Maybe thats what our OP should do. If she does just ask her if she'd ever consider having coffee with you. He was driving through the parking lot at work, waiting by my car, leaving things at the customer service counter for me like cards, flowers, etc.. it was extremely uncomfortable not just for me but for my coworkers who were forced to be nice to this creep.. and yes, hes certainly a creep. You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. Awkwardness all round. Which then bums me out further. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. It was awkward, but I realize now that Im probably better off. Look the cashier in the eyes when talking and stand up straight as you chat. As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. In the last few years, Ive had men ask me out, and although flattering, theyre usually significantly older than me (40s and 50s even) and it puts me in a very awkward position of turning them down. The thing is that you seem to be looking at this as though these two people are meeting as equals, but theyre not. By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. And if she did come back at a later time and ask you for coffee, it would be a very great surprise. I have a fair number of female friends, and many (Id wager most) feel flattered when a man approaches them confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. I was able to give my friend additional details and she said that the employee sounds nervous and that I should just give him a note, and that in fact, a customer of her own has been leaving notes for awhile and they are now dating. I am a 23 year old man and i want to ask a girl out that works in a clothes shop nearby where i live. If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). I would go so far as to say that if you, man, think an employee, woman, likes you, to think deeply about how good your judgement in this area typically is before you ask her out in said low-key, low-pressure way. During your conversation with her, mention some place you're planning to be in the future so she can find you there if she chooses. So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. Anyway. and our Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? Eh, I would absolutely insist on meeting someone where there are people around, even if theyre neutral parties. I remember the last time we were shopping at an REI a lady cashier (Im guessing who also assists with the wall-climbing area) was talking to a guy (I think who also works at the wall-climbing area too). As someone who works in customer service and is literally paid to be nice to you, please dont do it. After you have built a basic connection with her, you can leave a brief note (with a smiley probably) as others have suggested. do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. I couldnt agree more. If the only conversation youve ever had is the normal chitchat when he rings up your purchases. Hmm Im on the fence here. It definitely impacts what might feel flattering versus intrusive when you come from a male context, where there isnt the automatic feeling of what do you want? But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. Thats why the OP should say it cheerfully, quietly, quickly, hand the card over and exit. Is it too early to have sex? However, there are a few things you should keep in mind before asking for a cashiers number. They have been married for almost ten years and have three year old twins. Q: What should I do after taking a cashier on a date? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You have no idea how she feels about it until you actually ask so the only way to find out is to flat our ask her. 2. We met for coffee, later for a meal, and while we never became a couple, we did end up being best friends and we still are to this day. Its not so much that its every man or even most men as that its frequent enough, and WHICH man it is is totally unpredictable. Sometimes the entire queue could stop and simply have a collective chat with the shopkeeper about some random thing, such as the weather, and such spontaneous conversations take place frequently. - This is a **positive community**. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. That complicates the process of turning you down if they don't want to date you.
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