After her death, Elder Oaks's mother was remembered for her civic and Church service. Death, war, financial insecurity, divorce, Church inactivity, there are many circumstances that can shake a family to its core and try each family member's testimony. Scott D. Pierce, More Often Than Not, Big Love Gets it Right, The Salt Lake Tribune, December 28, 2010, accessed April 10, 2014, http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=12564307&itype=storyID. !45 Another womans exit letter from the Church had a series of accusatory questions including, Why did Smith marry and have sex with 11 women who were married to other men at the same time, some of whom he sent away on missions before marrying their wives? I've also known several Bishopric Counselors who have been divorced. By so doing, they will be able to help present and future members trump critics attempts at malicious manipulation. Our teenage youth need to know about plural marriage, including the fact that Joseph Smith, by commandment of God, introduced the doctrine and practice of the plurality of wives. 38. For a more detailed discussion of anti-Mormon accusations and stereotyping, see Craig L. Foster, Victorian Pornographic Imagery in Anti-Mormon Literature, Journal of Mormon History 19/1 (Spring 1993): 11532; Old Themes and Stereotypes Never Die: The Unchanging Ways of Anti-Mormons, FAIR, 2003, accessed October 14, 2011, http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2003_Unchanging_Ways_of_Anti-Mormons.html, and Craig L. Foster, Penny Tracts and Polemics: A Critical Analysis of Anti-Mormon Pamphleteering in Great Britain, 18371860 (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 2003). The Church of Jesus Christ itself has been described as a Church very much against polygamy that will continue to distance itself as far away from polygamy as possible.24 As [Page 55]previously explained, the Church has, since at least the late 1920s, repeatedly tried to distance itself from fundamentalist Mormonism and modern plural marriage. Counsel with your quorum president, bishop, or stake president and consider professional counseling, such as with LDS Family Services, if available. It should be noted that while most of the sanctioned post-Manifesto plural marriages were performed outside of the United States, some were performed within U.S. borders. . . After personal reflection and prayer, Elder Scott felt impressed that he should serve a mission and was called to serve inUruguay from 1950 to 1953. This is, in By the end of these few decades, a number of members had doctrinally and physically separated themselves from the body of the Church because they continued to teach and practice plural marriage. 8. In fact, Elder Bednar said in his April 2012 general conference talk that some members in his ward did not know his father was not a member because he regularly attending Church meetings with his family and helped with various Church activities. But heres a fact you need to know: children can be For examples of Mormon polygamy defining western polygamy, see Jessica Ravitz, Sister Wives explained: A fundamentalist Mormon polygamy primer, CNN Belief Blog, October 25, 2010, (accessed February 22, 2014); http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/25/sister-wives-explained-a-fundamentalist-mormon-polygamy-primer/; Michael E. Price, Are People Naturally Polygamous? Psychology Today, August 18, 2011, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/darwin-eternity/201108/are-people-naturally-polygamous-0 (accessed February 22, 2014); and W.W., Polygamy Now! The Economist, June 28, 2013, (accessed February 22, 2014), http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2013/06/slippery-slopes. To find out more about how Latter-day Saints experience divorce, I surveyed more than 1,000 active members who have been divorced or are currently going through the process. To his knowledgge this policy came from the Area Seventy. For example, several years ago the priesthood/Relief Society manual on the teachings of Brigham Young included a timeline of significant dates in his life, including his first marriage and his second monogamist marriage after the death of his first wife. FHE Object Lesson: Treasure Transformation, Remembering President Boyd K. Packer (19242015). Those divorcing tended to perceive ward members as a group that was unsupportive, fearful, and judgmental. I know of no specific policy that forbids a divorced and remarried man from serving in any leadership capacity. Dr. Swinton says, [In Church culture], divorce is a bit of a taboo issue that many don't know how to deal with, so the result is to avoid.However, avoiding divorced members only adds to their troubles. The following article originally ran on LDS Living in May 2016. [Page 67]Their sacrifice, etc., involving the practice was in vain and for a false principle??? I worry that discomfort with the situation unnecessarily impacts many from engaging in providing needed support.. Pasted as rich text. This may make many more supportive of divorce when it happens outside the Church.. They know they are in violation of the law. One man commented, I see a lot of men in the Church who have become a little too complacent in pat (but unsatisfying) answers to questions about polygamy and womens issues in the Church, which causes some understandable frustration for women trying to see how theyre still of equal importance.56 In response to that comment, a woman wrote, I have watched a current thread about polygamy on the message board. People need all the love and support they can get as they weather a divorce., In a message to divorced members, Dr. Swinton continues, If you have experienced divorce, don't beat yourself up or feel you are lesser in any way. The shows first season was set in Utah Valley until the Utah County police began to investigate the family. Foster, Like Two Crazy Aunts in the Attic.. No we didn't see President Hinckley remarry. One faithful Latter-day Saint wrote of his in-laws learning of Joseph Smiths polyandry, My [Page 63]mother-in-laws eyes bulged out.44 One woman who found out about Smiths polyandrous marriages, combined with other issues regarding Joseph Smith and Mormonism, declared she was done, done and DONE!! Be patient and reach out yourself. Surprisingly, only 4% of the respondents did not know he had plural wives. To help provide for her family, Elder Oaks's mother went to New York to continue her education while Elder Oaks and his siblings stayed with their grandparents. Through prayer and a very powerful dream she experienced, she no longer worried about it all.37 [Page 60]Unfortunately, many members are not reconciled to aspects of plural marriage. During a conversation regarding Mormon history, I mentioned in passing that Joseph Smith had plural wives. If someone believe[s] differently is it really worth getting upset over and offended? I remember a fifth or sixth grade classmate who came to my central California elementary school and said, Youre a Mormon, right? I answered in the affirmative, and he then announced, My father says Mormons can have more than one wife. Heres how a new speaker series can help you find it: Temples are some of the most beautiful places on earth, but the work that takes place inside of them is what makes them sacred. Melissa Crabtree, Modern Mormon Misconceptions Linger, CBS 42, Birmingham, Alabama, September 26, 2011, accessed September 28, 2011, http://www.cbs42.com/content/localnews/story/Modern-Mormon-Misconceptions-Linger/9N3Lxvw0AUS0USwYKsQHig.cspx or http://www.clipsyndicate.com/video/play/2879871/modern_mormon_misconceptions_linger, accessed April 10, 2014. None of the 12 or the First Presidency have been divorced. . Copy in authors possession. Because of this widespread apostasy, the Lord withdrew the authority of the priesthood from the earth. Children. However, the couple experienced tragedy about five years after their marriage. They thanked me for being willing to so openly and comfortably talk about plural marriage. About 14 percent of the Latter-day Saint men and 19 percent of the women have experienced divorce. And when he was 15 years old, Elder Cook experienced something that would draw from both lessons. The depth of dismay occurs in part because of the negative publicity attending Warren Jeffss marriages to under-aged brides as well as modernitys changed concept of childhood and adulthood. However, it wasn't until years after Elder Bednar's mission and after he was married that his he received an answer to the question he had been asking his father all those years when his father called him to ask, "What are you doing this Saturday? There is gospel wisdom in Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way they should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. This gospel principle certainly includes learning about Church history and doctrine. . Her eyes bugged out, her mouth dropped open, and she asked in a weak voice, Joseph Smith had more than one wife? Afterward, she repeated several times that she was blown away.65. : Latter-day Saint Ambivalence over Its Polygamous Past, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 88, and Lesson 31: Sealed . Brian C. Hales, on the other hand, in an excellent essay, Joseph Smith and the Puzzlement of Polyandry, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 99151, offers a compelling argument for the proposition that Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages were non-sexual and were eternity only sealings. Your previous content has been restored. Copy in authors possession. If two men are available to be bishop and they are equally qualified in every way except one man is married and the other is not, you can expect the married man to receive the call. That understanding will come through appropriate Church courses and Church literature. would have helped., [It] would be nice if [others] had some idea of how devastating divorce is and could have helped me get through the grieving process. TRUTH: Scripture shows that God gives permission for divorce. :). If two men are available to be bishop and they are equally qualified in every way except one man is married and the other is not, you can expect the married man to receive the call. Display as a link instead, Because i personally know a man who divorced after a temple marriage, remarried (eventually in the temple), and later became a bishop. But this experience also had a profound effect on Elder Cook and "any doubts he had were swept away forever.". In like manner, we hide or diminish those things that embarrass us. One of those things is Joseph Smiths practice of polygamy because it seems that his polygamy is only in the picture when were called upon to defend him.23 Such an approach is not confined solely to individuals. Throughout his childhood, Elder Bednar would ask his father several times a week why he was not baptized. 54. Divorced male members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are now required to obtain permission from the First Presidency before being sealed to a second wife. See Don Bradley, Mormon Polygamy before Nauvoo? Plural marriage was introduced to Church members by the Prophet Joseph Smith in the 1840s as a commandment from God and continued as doctrine and an official practice until 1890.1 Official Church support for plural marriage ended [Page 46]after the Manifesto, and many members have come to see this change as the final end of plural marriage. However, Elder Baxter's family situation was still difficult. 44. Together, they made the harrowing journey past Russian guards patrolling the border to West Germany until they were safely reunited with the rest of President Uchtdorf's family. My goal now is to do all I can to remain faithful to Christ, build a strong new marriage, and be as good a model to my children and stepchildren as I can.. When there are problems in different places around the world over difficult subjects like plural marriage, such as the recent apostasy problems in Sweden, leadership could then place even more emphasis on the education of its members in those specific places. But, on the other hand, the Church and its members will never be able to divorce themselves from historical plural marriage. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy., 50. They interpret this lack of information as a species of lyingabout Joseph Smith, about other Church members polygamous past, or about the events which surrounded the cessation of Church-sanctioned plural marriage. It is human nature, explained one Mormon blogger, to choose aspects of our past that we feel define us. For examples of people who chose to secretly practice plural marriage while still members of the LDS Church, see Craig L. Foster, The Persistence of Plural Marriage Within Mainstream Mormonism: The Example of the Barr and Mary Musser Family, in Scattering of the Saints: Schism Within Mormonism, eds. In contrast, Craig L. Foster, David Keller, and Gregory L. Smith use both history and a statistical review of Mormon and non-Mormon marriage practices in Illinois and neighboring Iowa to demonstrate that marriage to teenage women was not uncommon for the place and time in which Joseph Smith lived, nor was it considered pedophilia: The Age of Joseph Smiths Plural Wives in Social and Demographic Context, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 15283. As she tried to cope with the loss of her sister, Christy Denney found the connection to family she was craving in an unusual placea cherry cheese pie. Missionaries should learn more about the history of plural marriage and then mention this in a faithful way before converts baptisms. If my parents were sealed in the temple and then got divorced, which one am I sealed to? When he was 15 years old, Elder Baxter says he looked back on the challenges his family faced in his younger yearsalcoholism, divorce, povertyall of the things he couldn't change in his past and decided, "I will change the futurefor myself and for the children I will someday have. Hales expands this argument about Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages in his three volume work titled, Joseph Smiths Polygamy (Salt Lake City, Utah: Greg Kofford Books, 2013). At the age of 11, President Uchtdorf watched as his family split up, each taking separate routes to Frankfurt until only he and his mother remained. "This letter is an internal document. If only married Church leaders were instructed to read the letter in LDS sacrament meetings. What is your personal anchor belief? Sister Wives follows the large family of Kody Brown and his four wives. "He responded lovingly but firmly each time I pestered him: 'David, I am not going to join the Church for your mother, for you, or for anyone else. "When she tried to find the train, the train was gone with her four children in there.". This is particularly true if they have been faithful in Church activity and have prayed fervently for a resolution to marital problems. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintss uncomfortable relationship with its polygamous history is somewhat like an awkward marriage separation. More Unfortunately, over time there have been a number of members of the Church who have been upset and offended about aspects of plural marriage, especially the so-called weird aspects. This has led to unansweredperhaps even unspokenquestions, as well as hurt feelings, insecurity, and resentment. Clear editor. (Photo courtesy of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) Apostle Ronald A. Rasband speaks at General Conference on Easter Sunday, April 4, 2021. It is television shows and books like these that confuse non-Mormons. 27. For more information on the Van Dusens, see Craig L. Foster, From Temple Mormon to Anti-Mormon: The Ambivalent Odyssey of Increase Van Dusen Dialogue 27/3 (1994): 27586. Note: At the time this survey was conducted, the Church had not yet announced the ministering program that replaced home and visiting teaching. Web(Photo: KUTV) (KUTV) At least six people are suing the daughter and son-in-law of Russell M. Nelson, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But unfortunately, this would not be the last time President Uchtdorf's family would have to leave behind everything. Anti-Mormon literature has portrayed Smith as sneaking around behind unsuspecting husbands backs and seducing willing women. Any righteous, willing, and worthy man may be bishop regardless of his marital status. It is also important to differentiate a man who was divorced and remarried before he became a Christian from a man who was divorced and remarried after becoming a Christian. Another shared a similar experience: They stopped inviting me to every activity, shopping trip, dinners, everything. What handbook are you referring to? I don't know if divorced men can be branch presidents though. Many, when they saw me coming, would look the other way, one participant shared. Is that true? I thought he was joking. 12. How do I forgive them? Increase and Maria Van Dusen published a series of tell all pamphlets about the temple ceremony and polygamy during the 1840s and early 1850s. Josh Lockhart is a husband, father of two, and a Canadian Certified Counsellor based out of Kimberley, BC, Canada. Meet the Apostles. Copy in authors possession. . Even if the allotted time is not all you desire, make the visits positive and never say negative things to the children about their mother. Children are most likely to adjust successfully to parental divorce when their mother and father are willing to put the happiness and stability of children ahead of their own hurt feelings. There were also several who identified themselves as fundamentalist Mormons of former LDS membership. While another, more up-to-date survey was not conducted before publication, anecdotal evidence suggests attitudes have not changed between fall 2011 and winter 2014. While others shared what kept them going: I wonder if I would have continued going to church if I [didnt] have children. 13. They need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. An acquaintance of mine, married in the temple 25 years ago, four children and an active member in the LDS church was recently divorced for having an Another source providing good answers and positive information regarding Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages is Joseph Smith and Polyandry, FairMormon Answers, accessed February 22, 2014, http://en.fairmormon.org/Joseph_Smith/Polygamy/Polyandry. Finding out Joseph Smith practiced was a shockas I had not learned this in Church. Comments ranged from the positive to the negative and for some people, the discovery of the Churchs polygamous past was devastating. The First Presidency sent a letter last week to stake presidents, bishops and branch presidents advising them of the new policy.The brief letter, dated Feb. 3, was titled "Divorce Clearance Procedure." ok now i am confused can you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced does it matter if you remarried, has there been any of the twelve apostles that have been divorced or could you be one of the twelve apostles if you have been divorced i want to make sure i am not misrepresenting the LDS position. [Page 49]Another accusation of more recent date, perhaps even more insidious than the previous, charges the Mormons of pedophilia because of marriages with teenage brides.10 This [Page 50]slur has been aimed particularly against Joseph Smith in order to attack his claim to be a prophet of God. It is not my place to advise Church leaders on how to handle this problem and, therefore, these suggestions should be seen as suchsimple suggestions that might help. Those members of the church who are personally affected by the policy change and have questions are encouraged to talk to their local priesthood leaders," he said. Ok, just confirmed. When marriages suffer from serious problems, separation almost always leads to either reconciliation with the hopes of the marriage surviving or to divorce. Unfortunately, she was not alone in being shocked to learn Joseph Smith had plural wives. 68. This is true even if your parents temple sealing to each other is canceled. (That doesn't mean the policy doesn't exist, but that I've never seen it). Joseph Walker, Recent Events Highlight Confusion of Polygamy, Deseret News, August 6, 2011, accessed August 7, 2011, https://www.deseret.com/2011/8/6/20208124/recent-events-highlight-confusion-of-polygamy. Rather than plural marriage being noticeably absent from Church publications, it should be adequately discussed. Raised on Essentials in Church History and similar volumes and never hearing of Joseph Smiths own plural relationships in general conferences or in other official publications, the new public memory began to take root.22. For this reason, they think that the unmarried would include both the widowed, the divorced and those who have never been married. Then I will get a temple sealing. For example, take my sons to general priesthood meeting., Ask if anything [is] needed. Would a menace make a good Bishop? Elder Baxter says his mother was "happy, content, and fulfilled until overtaken by mortality" during her marriage for nearly 25 years until she passed away.
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